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Since the divorce reforms in April 2022, it has become much easier to get divorced. People no longer have to give ‘reasons’ for the divorce and one party can go ahead and apply for a divorce without the other party consenting to it. A few clicks, an online form and a payment of a (rather hefty) £612 and the marriage can be over in 26 weeks. A separating couple who are on reasonable terms with each other might be able to agree things between themselves, such as what to do with the house and the living and maintenance arrangements for any children and no one else needs to be involved, saving time, money and stress.
There is, however, a catch. If you have even been married to someone you remain financially enmeshed with them on a certain level, unless you’ve had what’s commonly known as a “clean break”. What that means is that the door remains open for the ex-spouse to make a financial claim against the other ex-spouse’s income or assets, even if the divorce was finalised many years ago. Imagine winning the lottery 5 years after your divorce and your Ex trying to claim half of it! Even if they don’t succeed it would still cause you stress and possibly force you to engage a solicitor and incur costs.
The solution is to apply for a Financial Consent Order at the same time as you go through the divorce process. This is a legal document where you both declare your financial situation to each other (Document 1) and state your agreements concerning the division of any assets, the responsibility for any debts and whether you are making a claim on the other party’s future income (Document 2). This can be as simple as “whatever you have you keep, whatever I have I keep and we dismiss all future claims against each other”. These documents will then need to be written up by a solicitor and sent into the Judge to approve before the divorce is finalised.
Doing this by yourselves can be tricky, especially if communication isn’t very good between you and your Ex and using a solicitor to do it all can be expensive. Family Mediation can help. If you both agree to it, the mediator can help you prepare the documents, agree what your settlement looks like and ensure that the process is completed properly which means that the bit the solicitor needs to do is kept to a minimum, lowering the costs for both parties. For more information, you can look at www.selfmb.org.uk or speak to one of our friendly and knowledgeable Case Coordinators on 0208 315 7460.
20/03/2025
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0q11j4q4n3o
Shalaleh Barlow, a Family Solicitor based in Essex, believes that children are being failed by the length of time it is taking for the Family Courts to make a decision about where they live and when they spend time with the parent they do not live with. Research has shown that the average length of time from a Court application being submitted to a decision being taken, is 41 weeks or around 10 months.
A variety of factors are being blamed for these delays; a lack of funding by successive governments, the aftermath of the Covid lockdowns, the removal of legal aid for all but a very limited number of cases causing more ‘Litigants in Person’ and an increase in public law/child protections cases, to name but a few. But, on a human level, this is a catastrophe. For a young child, 10 months represents a large portion of their life without mum or dad, and for the parent not seeing their child, the pain of realising that your child is gradually getting used to life without you and forgetting you, is overwhelming and, tragically, can lead to parents taking their own lives. Research from Australia shows that, Downunder, 21 parents each week commit suicide as a result of not being able to see their children and statistics here demonstrate that, amongst children who are estranged from one of their parents, 40% report symptoms of depression and anxiety and 70% experience a decline in academic performance.
In addition to the long delays, Court applicants have to deal with further challenges. Hearings can be cancelled at the last minute, costs can spiral and the adversarial nature of the process can further damage the mental health of the parties, their children and their extended families, and can mean that, for the future, all hope of ever having a constructive co-parenting relationship is destroyed.
There is a kinder way. At South East London Family Mediation, an initial meeting with a mediator can often be organised within 24 hours and then, if both parties are willing, a joint session can be arranged very shortly afterwards. The costs are far lower than litigation and can even be free for those on a low income or on Universal Credit. Parents are then put firmly in charge of the decision making which, given they are the experts in their own children, is far preferable than a Judge or a Cafcass officer making those decisions. As a Child-Inclusive service, the voice, thoughts and feelings of any children are at the heart of everything we do and children who want to be part of the process can participate directly if their parents and the mediator feel it is a good idea. You can find out more and book an initial session with a mediator at www.selfmb.org.uk or by calling 0208 315 7460.
28/02/2025
Since the pandemic, most of us are spending a lot of our personal and professional lives online. Zoom has become a straightforward, cost-effective and, arguably, a more environmentally friendly way of hosting meetings and even our GPs and therapists prefer to treat us virtually. There is no longer a need to book a day off work, organise childcare, jump in the car and find parking. Everything can be done from the kitchen table or even the sofa. Businesses are saving money by selling their premises and surrendering their leases, to the delight of their shareholders.
So, in the age of the online meetings, is there any value in face-to-face mediation? At first glance, online mediation has all of the advantages – you can squeeze the session into your lunch hour, you can mediate with your ex who has moved to another part of the country, and you don’t have to endure 90 minutes in close proximity to the person who you used to love and now, at best, evokes indifference, and at worst, downright hatred. Why would you endure an hour and a half in those circumstances?
It is only when you return to an in-person meeting, however, that you realise its value. As humans, we are hard-wired to respond to facial expressions (often blurred on a screen), body language (online we have head and shoulders only) and the nuances of tone (lost through buffering and connectivity issues). Some people also take the opportunity to multi-task – they cook the kids’ tea, make a coffee, get on with some laundry – so their full focus is not on the meeting. And, for parents who will always have to be in each other’s lives, sitting together in mediation can be the first step in trying to rebuild a cooperative and functional co-parenting relationship.
South East London Family Mediation has an office with 2 mediation rooms. We have 2 separate waiting areas and a team of case coordinators who can welcome you, make you a cup of tea to ease the tension and provide support should you need it and keep you safe and comfortable. We do also provide online mediation so we don’t lose those benefits. Give the office a call today or send an enquiry and we can help you assess which sort of mediation is right for you.
The rules about Child Maintenance – as in how much the parent who the child doesn’t live with pays each month to the parent the child does live with – can be incredibly complicated and highly contentious. The main point of contact for all issues relating to the financial support of a child is the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) who were formerly known as the Child Support Agency (CSA). They are a Government body and are able to make decisions and enforce payments in the vast majority of cases.
The first step is for the CMS to calculate a percentage of the income of the person the children don’t live to be paid to the parent they do live with and from that, they deduct an amount for each night the children spend with the parent they don’t live with. Parents can either work this out using the CMS online calculator OR can ask the CMS to do an official calculation for a small fee. Additional they can ‘collect’ from one parent and ‘pay’ to the other parent for a higher fee.
Once this calculation has been done, either party can ask the CMS to consider a variation. Some situations where a variation might be considered are:
Or, from the perspective of the receiving parent:
In case of a dispute that the CMS can’t resolve, either party can appeal to the First-tier tribunal. Alternatively, the parties can try mediation where they can both be honest and transparent about their income, their outgoings and the children’s costs and try to come up with a fair solution. The issue of the financial support of a child is a highly emotive one which brings up some strong feelings on both sides and a skilled mediator can help manage that conversation.
It is unfortunately quite common that, when there is a family breakdown, the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is affected. Grandparents may have been drawn into the conflict between the parents or they just may be viewed by one parent as now ‘on the other side’. The sad consequence of this can be an estrangement between the adults which has a knock-on effect on the children.
Research shows however that grandparents can represent consistency and stability for children which can be especially important when they are going through the huge change of a family breakdown, for example having to move home, change schools or adapt to their parents living in different places. Equally, grandparents who are involved with their grandchildren have better health and life spans and report higher feelings of satisfaction and happiness.
Taking a legal route to try and maintain the relationship can feel very daunting to grandparents. The process is long and expensive. Grandparents are not automatically entitled to apply for a Court order to see their grandchildren; they have to apply for the Court’s permission first, which can feel like jumping through hoops. Many grandparents do just give up.
Mediation can be a kinder route. A mediator can help both you and the parent you are not talking to, open up a dialogue and explore your respective hopes, worries and fears in a safe environment with the hope that, as a result, some plans can be made for how the relationship between the grandparents and the grandchildren can be rebuilt and maintained. A mediator can’t force anyone to attend but research shows that the gentler approach is less likely to make things worse and any commitments, because they have been mutually agreed on and not forced, have a better chance of lasting.
If you would like to try, the first step is to arrange an individual meeting with a mediator called a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). In this meeting, you can hear more about mediation and how it works and look at your options. There is legal aid available for these meetings if you are on a low income and on certain benefits and you can raise this when you call to book your MIAM.
David Neuberger believes that the lack of Legal Aid for all but a very limited number of Family Law cases deprives parents of the right to sound legal advice and the right to have Court representation for issues around the arrangements for their children when they separate. He also feels that the parents without proper advice are often the ones clogging up the Family Courts and increasing the delays we see at the moment.
Family Mediators can still apply for a Legal Aid Agency (LAA) contract to provide publicly funded mediation to those who are eligible and the criteria is wider than those available to solicitors, for example, there is not the same requirement to prove that domestic abuse is a factor in the case. However, the rates paid by the LAA to mediators for their services have been static for over 20 years so fewer and fewer Mediation Services are able to successfully administer a LAA contract and make ends meet financially and are therefore surrendering their contracts. The downstream effect of this is fewer parents being able to use the process to try and discuss arrangements for their children which means they either give up altogether or they apply to the Family Court who are being asked to resolve disputes which should never have got that far.
Judge Stephen Wildblood and Sir James Mumby, former president of the Family Division of the High Court, have both shared his concerns about “unnecessary” parental disputes that the Family Courts have recently been asked to decide on, for example which junction on the M4 should be used for handovers or whether a child should have a crew cut or long, flowing locks. It’s hard to believe that, if sensible legal advice was available, such cases would ever have made it to the doors of the Family Courts and it seems that, taking away legal aid for family cases, rather than being a clever way to cut expenditure has just diverted the costs downstream and has had profound negative effects on parents and, more importantly, children.
Janis James, from Good Egg Safety, an organization focused on promoting the safety of families, and especially children, is campaigning for more to be done to help protect children from the effects of alienating behaviours from one or both of their parents, post separation.
The term ‘Parental Alienation’ is complicated, misunderstood and often misused. Some facts are however not in dispute. Research shows that children can and do recover from, and thrive after, their parents’ separation but only if they are not exposed to prolonged parental conflict. We are currently facing a tsunami of children suffering from poor mental health and those working with separating and separated families can and should do more to help support parents to recognize the effect that any conflict between them is having on their children and what steps they can take to reduce the conflict, improve their communication and protect their children.
As mediators, we see on a daily basis how unresolved anger and hurt from the breakdown of the relationship can affect a co-parenting relationship and the children’s ability to enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling relationship with both of their parents. A therapeutical approach can help each parent work through any unresolved emotions about the other parent but outside the therapy room, there is much mediators can do with parents to try and make things easier.
The first step to rebuilding trust and communication normally involves creating a solid routine for the children and thereby avoiding the need for lots of interaction between the parents about the day-to-day arrangements. We can also work on establishing a practical and sustainable financial set-up so that everyone’s basic needs are covered and devising a safe and boundaried channel of communication so that essential information can be exchanged between the parents. When these three elements are addressed, tensions do tend to reduce which has a positive effect on any children.
Mediators are also trained to bring the voice of the child into the process through Child-Inclusive Mediation. In a confidential session with the mediator, the child can share their thoughts, feelings, worries and fears and the mediator will then feed back to the parents, with the child’s permission, this first-hand information about how they are being affected by the conflict and how they would prefer things to be. Most parents, however they feel about each other, desperately want to avoid hurting their children and, with the right help and support, can move beyond the alienating behaviours.
Legal Aid is money paid to legal and other professionals by the Legal Aid Agency to cover someone’s legal costs.
As a general rule, Solicitors can apply for legal aid for a client only if they are or have been a victim of domestic abuse or a child is at risk of abuse or abduction. They also have to means-test the client.
Social Services who start Care proceedings eg for a Special Guardianship Order, can have their costs covered too.
Mediators can apply for legal aid for their clients based solely on a means-test and there is no requirement to prove domestic violence or child abduction is a factor in the case.
Someone can apply to have their legal costs covered if they are on a low income or on certain income-supporting benefits, such as Universal Credit.
The assessment is a two-step process. First, you are assessed on the basis of any capital that you have eg equity in a property or savings. If you are eligible on capital you will then be assessed on your income. You will be asked to provide up-to-date evidence of your income, for example, a Universal Credit statement or a payslip.
Our case coordinators will be able to give you a good idea about whether you might be eligible over the phone. If you are quick in sending in your evidence and signing the Legal Aid application form then it will not delay your case at all.
If you are found to be eligible then the costs of your MIAM, any mediation sessions and the signing of any Court forms will be covered. The Legal Aid agency will also cover the costs of the other party for their MIAM and for the first joint session.
If you are not eligible for Legal Aid but your case involves arrangements for a child then we can apply for the Family Mediation Voucher if, after your MIAMs, you are both willing to proceed to a joint session. This voucher enables the Service to apply for funds to cover up to
£500 of mediation fees per case (unfortunately not per person). If you have used up the voucher, or if your case isn’t about children, but you are struggling to pay then do ask to speak to the Service Manager. We will help if we can.
South East London Family Mediation Bureau
Office
The Stables, 1 North Street,
Bromley, Kent BR1 1SB
020 8315 7460
enquiries@selfmb.org.uk
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